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If you're like me, you constantly think about the future, what you're gonna do tomorrow, next week, 6 months down the line & even 5 years from now. What that means though is today is just a busy day thinking and planning the future... A day lost to the future. It's perfectly fine, good and even healthy to think about the future but I really believe many people like myself live for the future and miss out on today... the present. Moments and memories lost. Mike had a future... he planned for a future... but he never got to see it. He never got to see his dream of going to worship college. Since Mike's death, my perspective on the future has changed. The grieving process for me has involved loss of motivation, direction, and the need for me to rebuild my confidence in retreating out from my safety zone. Home, with mum, dad and Laura. Here, I'm just me. I don't have to explain myself to anyone... I have total freedom to just be me. I guess if you've never experienced death like me you wont understand what I mean. But absolutely EVERY aspect of my life is now under the microscope of death, loss and grief. Including my emotions and my future. I had a plan, a goal, a dream... but when Mike died a lot of stuff suddenly became unimportant and other things important. The things I thought for 10 years I wanted to do I no longer do what to do them. People have been frustrated and angry with me for not knowing what my future looks like at the age of 23. Even accusingly said "God gave you a brain, you do know practically where your life and future lies." Actually, bullshit. I have some ideas but honestly no clue. That scares me. It scares me so much because when I look at my future it's black. There is no colour. The colour will come has God continues to reveal things to me. When Mike died there were weeks when the accomplishment of the day was getting out of bed. For months I was on my knees thanking God I manage to write a page or two that day on my university essay. It's only been 18 months since Mike died. Only now am I starting to venture out of my security and start "living" again because up until now it's been about "surviving". But living, that's a whole new area of the grief process that I've not even come across yet. Again I guess if you've never experienced death like this then you wont understand these things. So many people have asked me for advice about death and so I guess this is just that little bit more insight. I heard a story recently, this guy lost his daughter. She was young but in her teens or 20's and he said the hardest year for him was the 7th year. Death is a LIFE LONG process. If I ever heard anyone say to me or about someone else "they should be over it by now", I would find it very hard to control my anger towards your ignorance. Another reason why my perspective of the future has changed is Mike thought he had a future. The harsh reality is anyone of us could die at any moment and the truth be told, I think we're deliberately ignorant to that as humans because it scares us too much to actually fully accept that and accept what that means. So whilst I plan for my future and take practical steps... I'm living for today. We forever tell people "live like there was no tomorrow" yet no one actually does it. We're so constrained by money, security, logistics... we have become so insanely controlling over our money and lives. Lemme tell you a story that has brought colour to my future and explain a bit more about what I mean. Dad has a very very very poor friend in the Philippians. They've been friends for 20 years and this man has worked his butt off all his life for his family. Dad got an email from the man's eldest daughter who is around my age. She tells my dad that her younger sister is very sick and they need ?2000 for an operation. The daughter told my dad that her dad would kill her if he knew she contacted him but they're desperate. My dad's thinking firstly, this is a lot of money that I just don't have and secondly dad's thinking "ok is this a legit thing". To cut a long story short dad got in touch with OM Philippians to try and sort something out but within two weeks the sister died. She had meningitis and this operation would have saved her life. ?2000 bloody pounds! Dad learnt a lesson in a very hard way. I've learnt a lesson watching him. True dad needs to be practical, he has a little bit saved for an "emergency day" if the washing machine breaks or something... but dad forgot God has been so good to him, we have never been stuck for anything as a family... and instead of being financially controlling he should have let go of that money and trusted God. I want my future, my actions, my choices to be purposeful. I live in a wealthy society and even I could have done something to get ?2000. I am who I am for a reason. God has given me what he has given me in terms of life experience for a reason. I chose follow Him. I don't know how... but I know this situation has made me realise there is so much I can do for God. I don't want to live for me... I really don't. The joy of being apart of God's calling is too great. To see lives saved, lives healed, lives restored... THAT'S what I want. I just don't know how or where yet. Another thing... my assistant pastor once told me, "Akila, this is your destiny, today, where you are... walk in it." God's using me today. He's working on me today. He's growing me, teaching me, correcting me today. Same for you. Life can seem so hopeless and boring and purposeless so you hold out for "the future". But if you're walking with God then it's ALL purposeful. LIVE today. GROW today. Do something for SOMEONE ELSE today. Smile, pray, be free today. Cry, be honest, let go today! We all have choices, our paths are written but which path do we chose? I feel so overwhelmed by the future. So scared. No real direction. No real plan. No security right now either in terms of a job, money, house etc. But on the other hand... what an awesome place to be. I actually can't believe God's brought me to this place. It's exciting. It's almost like God's been cutting ties and not bringing anything my way that will hold me back in any way and releasing me 100% free into His Kingdom. I don't even have a phone contract!! Free to go anywhere and do anything. Again that's scary... I feel like "man I wish someone would do this with me so they'd physically hold my hand". I know I already have my family and friend that will do that and others will come... But I have to keep reminding myself that THIS is the time that God is really going to grow me. To be brave, unafraid, strong, dependant on Him... and of course work on my flaws haha. Oh dear... I'm a horrendous human being haha. But THIS, today, is my future. It's ok to not know the future. It's ok for things to change. It's ok to take the leaps of faith. If you're walking with God you wont go wrong. Sure you might realise you made a mistake but God is gracious, merciful and loves you... He'll lead and guide and put you on the right track. Laura's trying to work out her future for university courses... she's 17. I'm 23 and I'm still uncertain. Live life, Love God... go out, Explore and HAVE FUN! Be Real and Open with people, Make Friends, fall in Love with Creation... God will reveal His secrets of your life to you. TODAY, right now... this is your future. Change it for the better or enjoy the ride.
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The Future Starts Today
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The Future Starts Today

Words: 1451    Pages: 5    Paragraphs: 12    Sentences: 183    Read Time: 05:16
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              If you're like me, you constantly think about the future, what you're gonna do tomorrow, next week, 6 months down the line & even 5 years from now. What that means though is today is just a busy day thinking and planning the future. . . A day lost to the future. It's perfectly fine, good and even healthy to think about the future but I really believe many people like myself live for the future and miss out on today. . . the present. Moments and memories lost.
             
              Mike had a future. . . he planned for a future. . . but he never got to see it. He never got to see his dream of going to worship college. Since Mike's death, my perspective on the future has changed.
             
              The grieving process for me has involved loss of motivation, direction, and the need for me to rebuild my confidence in retreating out from my safety zone. Home, with mum, dad and Laura. Here, I'm just me. I don't have to explain myself to anyone. . . I have total freedom to just be me. I guess if you've never experienced death like me you wont understand what I mean. But absolutely EVERY aspect of my life is now under the microscope of death, loss and grief. Including my emotions and my future. I had a plan, a goal, a dream. . . but when Mike died a lot of stuff suddenly became unimportant and other things important. The things I thought for 10 years I wanted to do I no longer do what to do them.
             
              People have been frustrated and angry with me for not knowing what my future looks like at the age of 23. Even accusingly said "God gave you a brain, you do know practically where your life and future lies. " Actually, bullshit. I have some ideas but honestly no clue. That scares me. It scares me so much because when I look at my future it's black. There is no colour. The colour will come has God continues to reveal things to me. When Mike died there were weeks when the accomplishment of the day was getting out of bed. For months I was on my knees thanking God I manage to write a page or two that day on my university essay.
             
              It's only been 18 months since Mike died. Only now am I starting to venture out of my security and start "living" again because up until now it's been about "surviving". But living, that's a whole new area of the grief process that I've not even come across yet. Again I guess if you've never experienced death like this then you wont understand these things. So many people have asked me for advice about death and so I guess this is just that little bit more insight. I heard a story recently, this guy lost his daughter. She was young but in her teens or 20's and he said the hardest year for him was the 7th year. Death is a LIFE LONG process. If I ever heard anyone say to me or about someone else "they should be over it by now", I would find it very hard to control my anger towards your ignorance.
             
              Another reason why my perspective of the future has changed is Mike thought he had a future. The harsh reality is anyone of us could die at any moment and the truth be told, I think we're deliberately ignorant to that as humans because it scares us too much to actually fully accept that and accept what that means. So whilst I plan for my future and take practical steps. . . I'm living for today. We forever tell people "live like there was no tomorrow" yet no one actually does it. We're so constrained by money, security, logistics. . . we have become so insanely controlling over our money and lives. Lemme tell you a story that has brought colour to my future and explain a bit more about what I mean.
             
              Dad has a very very very poor friend in the Philippians. They've been friends for 20 years and this man has worked his butt off all his life for his family. Dad got an email from the man's eldest daughter who is around my age. She tells my dad that her younger sister is very sick and they need ? 2000 for an operation. The daughter told my dad that her dad would kill her if he knew she contacted him but they're desperate. My dad's thinking firstly, this is a lot of money that I just don't have and secondly dad's thinking "ok is this a legit thing". To cut a long story short dad got in touch with OM Philippians to try and sort something out but within two weeks the sister died. She had meningitis and this operation would have saved her life.
             
              ? 2000 bloody pounds! Dad learnt a lesson in a very hard way. I've learnt a lesson watching him. True dad needs to be practical, he has a little bit saved for an "emergency day" if the washing machine breaks or something. . . but dad forgot God has been so good to him, we have never been stuck for anything as a family. . . and instead of being financially controlling he should have let go of that money and trusted God. I want my future, my actions, my choices to be purposeful. I live in a wealthy society and even I could have done something to get ? 2000.
             
              I am who I am for a reason. God has given me what he has given me in terms of life experience for a reason. I chose follow Him. I don't know how. . . but I know this situation has made me realise there is so much I can do for God. I don't want to live for me. . . I really don't. The joy of being apart of God's calling is too great. To see lives saved, lives healed, lives restored. . . THAT'S what I want. I just don't know how or where yet.
             
              Another thing. . . my assistant pastor once told me, "Akila, this is your destiny, today, where you are. . . walk in it. " God's using me today. He's working on me today. He's growing me, teaching me, correcting me today. Same for you. Life can seem so hopeless and boring and purposeless so you hold out for "the future". But if you're walking with God then it's ALL purposeful. LIVE today. GROW today. Do something for SOMEONE ELSE today. Smile, pray, be free today. Cry, be honest, let go today! We all have choices, our paths are written but which path do we chose?
             
              I feel so overwhelmed by the future. So scared. No real direction. No real plan. No security right now either in terms of a job, money, house etc. But on the other hand. . . what an awesome place to be. I actually can't believe God's brought me to this place. It's exciting. It's almost like God's been cutting ties and not bringing anything my way that will hold me back in any way and releasing me 100% free into His Kingdom. I don't even have a phone contract! ! Free to go anywhere and do anything. Again that's scary. . . I feel like "man I wish someone would do this with me so they'd physically hold my hand". I know I already have my family and friend that will do that and others will come. . . But I have to keep reminding myself that THIS is the time that God is really going to grow me. To be brave, unafraid, strong, dependant on Him. . . and of course work on my flaws haha. Oh dear. . . I'm a horrendous human being haha. But THIS, today, is my future.
             
              It's ok to not know the future. It's ok for things to change. It's ok to take the leaps of faith. If you're walking with God you wont go wrong. Sure you might realise you made a mistake but God is gracious, merciful and loves you. . . He'll lead and guide and put you on the right track. Laura's trying to work out her future for university courses. . . she's 17. I'm 23 and I'm still uncertain. Live life, Love God. . . go out, Explore and HAVE FUN! Be Real and Open with people, Make Friends, fall in Love with Creation. . . God will reveal His secrets of your life to you.
             
              TODAY, right now. . . this is your future. Change it for the better or enjoy the ride.
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